Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
I thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too.
I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.
All I have are memories and a picture in a frame.
Your memory is a keepsake, with which I'll never part.
God has you in His keeping, I have you in my heart.
Even though my days are frenzied, I know you are our angel from above.
Happy 3rd Birthday Joash. Mummy and Daddy misses you...
Monday, March 29, 2010
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
ON ANGEL'S WINGS
Images of light
Pure and simple
yet so full
you touched us
not with hands
but with love
Cherished angel up above
we wish to hear
Till we meet again
in His time.
Uncle Aleric and Auntie Karen (Penned 08 OCT 2005)
Thanks Al and Karen for the lovely poem and for standing by us.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
One of the most practical ways to show you care is to send them a good read. When we lost Nathaniel, and subsequently Joash and Ashley, David and I retreated into scores of literature which shed light onto God's purpose for what we are going through and how we can find hope to move on. Here are some note-worthy titles in our collection which we find helpful and would recommend to bereaved or grieving parents:
1. Safe in the Arms of God: Truth from Heaven About the Death of a Child (Hardcover) by John MacArthur
Mommy, Please Don't Cry is a book of love and comfort for mothers who have experienced the deep sorrow of losing a child. Serene illustrations frame gentle words that describe heaven from a child's perspective. With room for the reader's personal reflections at the end of the book, every page is a poignant gift of hope and healing. "Our stories are all different, but our pain is the same," writes Linda. "We are mothers who will forever grieve the loss of our children. And yet, there is hope for our troubled souls."
The book contains a remarkable miscellany of emotionally charged literature by the likes of Melville, Frost, Shelley, Irving and Shakespeare. Each selection describes bereavement in a different way, lending credence to the editors' belief that no one can claim to understand another person's particular loss or its effects. The excerpted literature is of impeccable quality, as are the sentiments behind each piece. This book does not seek to instruct the reader on how to cope with grief, it merely shares the beloquence of those who have been there before.
Credit: All book covers and descriptions are taken from http://www.amazon.com/ but you can order these books through Kinokuniya (Singapore) bookweb services online.
Monday, October 5, 2009
I'm sure if he could tell you, "Thank You," he would. I'm sure he would want you to know that he loved being a part of your lives even though brief. He remembers the belly rubs, soothing sounds of your voices, and the adrenalin of wanting him so badly.
I'm sure if he could, he'd tell you he's with you forever. He will remember you both in his own angelic way, watching over you, holding onto your souls with his little hands and never releasing. He's all around you, touching your thoughts and hugging your memories. He smiles and laughs to comfort you each day you feel sad. He's happy for your strength and needs your hope to help him fly.
I'm sure if he could tell you, "Thank You," he would, For all the powerful love, for remembering him, for holding him when he was born and missing him when he became your angel. He knows he is your combined, manifested pure love and he is your hope.
He's the light in your window, he's the hope in your heart, he's the baby angel that throws the first snowflake upon your face- his kiss to Mommy and Daddy. Just know that the smiles on your faces help him get through his day, too, and he knows you love him, knows you miss him, and wants you to know that he's watching over you both. If he could tell you..I know he would.
Poem by Melanie Johnson Isayev 12-16-03
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Whenever the pain of losing you seems too much to bear and the grief too overwhelming, Mummy and Daddy would turn to God's word for comfort. Mummy would be reminded of the many Godly woman in the Bible who also experienced barreness and yearn for a child. Like Hannah and Elizabeth. How they never lose sight of God and continued to seek God's will. Daddy will turn to Jesus in his quiet time and intercede to God on our behalf for a miracle of a baby again. We sorrow but we do not despair because God has made our marriage stronger through this dark valley. Though we still don't know why God took you away, we rest in the blessed hope that God's grace is sufficient for us; for His strength is made perfect in our weakness (2 Cor 12:9). The Lord is close to those who have a broken heart (Psalm 34:18). and so Lord we pray you continue to heal us and restore the joy of salvation into our lives...till we see our baby face to face. Amen.
We may not be able to hug you personally but you're sitting on Jesus' lap and He will give you the tightest hug sent right from Mummy and Daddy's hearts.
We love you Nat, don't forget that.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
We mortals sometime question
For no heartache compares
Who does so much to make our world,
Perhaps God tires of calling the aged to his fold,
So He picks a rosebud, before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them,
To make the land of Heaven more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult,
The saddest word mankind knows
So when a little child departs
For Angels are hard to find.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Very often, when people hear of a loss (be it miscarriage, an early infant death or simply death of a loved one), they do not know how to react and all parties are caught in awkward silence.
From our own experience, these are some thoughtful words which one can use in times of bereavement:
What can I say when a baby dies? Some suggestions:
I am sorry for your loss.
I wish you didn't have to experience this.
I am sorry that this happened to you.
I am thinking of you during this difficult time. (usually written)
I'm so sorry to hear this.
I wish you comfort.
I hope things will be good.
I wish this hadn't happened to you.
I'm sad for you.
I don't know why it happened.
I wish things had turned out better for you.
What can I do for you?
This has been a terrible loss for you.
I wish it hadn't turned out this way.
Words can be a powerful source of solace and comfort. People often fear so much saying the wrong thing that they often don't say anything at all but a grieving couple would like to know that family and friends are there to support them during this difficult time of loss. So next time the need arises, pick the right words and bring a ray of sunshine to someone grieving.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Time flies. It's Christmas again. Can't believe it's already 1.5 years since you've gone (for Nat, it's 4 years). How are our angels doing in Heaven? Through God's providence and intervention, Mummy and Daddy welcomed a new baby into our lives few months ago and we let her share Ashley's middle name 'Joy' so that she feels an affinity with her sister who's her guardian angel in Heaven.
Mummy and Daddy specially bought some Christmas ornaments to decorate your niche to say we miss you especially during this season. The oppressive sadness which comes with missing you has now becomed a dull heartache that we've accepted as part of our everyday existence. God is gracious. He knows we'll never be able to pick ourselves up from the grief of losing 3 of you so He sent us a baby miraculously to bring us newfound joy and meaning in life. With her around, moments of hope have resurfaced and more importantly, we found ourselves being able to laugh again. However, Mummy and Daddy still hold each of you dearly in our hearts, some place safely tucked away where no one will ever be able to reach...we have not forgotten you and we never will do.
So to welcome your baby sister, we put up the Christmas tree this year. If you were around to celebrate Christmas by our side , our family would be complete. God's mansion must surely have an even nicer and bigger Christmas tree as you'll be celebrating Jesus' Birthday! Please say a big Thank You to Jesus for sending Mummy and Daddy the perfect Christmas gift for 2008. Merry Christmas my darlings. We love and miss you always.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
1 March, Saturday, East Coast Park
You can shed tears that he is gone
Thursday, January 17, 2008
you may wonder why Mummy and Daddy have not posted in a long while. It's not that we've cast you aside, never for one second were you not in our thoughts. Truth is, mummy and daddy longs for you so much that it hurts to visit this blog. As the world counted down to Christmas and New Year in meaningless revelry, mummy and daddy chose to stay home and reminisced the precious hours we spent with you in the NICU at KKH. Do you know this year, we chose not to put up the Christmas tree as a form of silent protest against the season's festivities. We had nothing to celebrate nor be jolly about - you were snatched from us before we could even have a good look at you...
Mummy and daddy's conversations constantly revolve around you - how different it would be had you survived. You would have brought so much joy and laughter to our empty big flat. Increasingly, the pain of losing you makes coming home so meaningless for we had nothing to look forward to. You were not there.
The silence in the house rings loudest especially during weekends and public holidays. We could have spent the day out at the Zoo, frolicking at the pool or just enjoying a leisurely walk at the Park. But without you, nothing brings us fulfillment. So we retreat into our grief and spend quiet moments at home, hoping that perhaps somehow in our stillness, we can hear you cry out to us from Heaven.
We know we had to move on and one way for us to pick ourselves up is to adopt a baby. A baby who's family cannot afford to give her the good life and the love which we had reserved for you and your brothers. We wonder if you, Nat and Joash would have objections but my heart tells me 'No'. All 3 of you will be delighted to have a sibling to accompany Mummy and Daddy in your place till our journey on earth is done. So our new hope for the new year is that God will handpick this baby for us so that as a family, we can put off our sackcloths and start anew in 2008.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
This poem reminds us that she's contantly in our midst.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
Do not stand at my grave and mourn.
I am the dew-flecked grass at dawn.
Where tranquil oceans meet the land
I am the footprints in the sand
To guide you through the weary day.
I am still here; I'll always stay.
When you wake up to morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there; I did not die.
© Mary Elizabeth Frye (1904).
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Nathaniel, Joash and Ashley's ashes rest at Blk D (Daffodil), Level 2 Niche 230, Mandai Columbarium. We visit them every Sunday for they are never far from our thoughts...
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
In the end, all that remains are their ashes... Ashley's were so complete, and white as snow. We held her perfect little body. Tiny toes and fingers and wispy dark hair. It's hard to believe that not too long ago, she was still alive and kicking within me...How could that precious little girl be reduced to ashes? We didn't expect it to end like this but at least we got to tell her that Daddy and Mummy love her, just like how we did her brothers...
Joash's ashes are below. He was delivered much earlier than his twin sister so his ashes are less distinct but equally beautiful...God, our babies are already yours, so why can't we have them longer?
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
Sunday, June 10, 2007
We bade farewell to our precious daughter Ashley Joy Sim on a bright and breezy Saturday afternoon - the same type of day she entered our world and gave us a short but meaningful privilege of being her parents.
About thirty family members and close friends, many whom have prayed and stood by us through this agonising ordeal, were present. Everyone was given cream-coloured gerberas, specially selected by Angie upon entry. The congregation sang three songs: Amazing Grace, I was Made to Praise You and 'Pokarekare Ana' a traditional Maori folk song. These were songs which we would sing to Ashley every night.
After a brief 30-minute memorial delivered by Pastor David Chan, each guest bade their solemn farewells and paid their final respects to Ashley by placing their gerberas alongside our Princess in her tiny white casket. Her grandmother gave her a hand-knitted red cross to symbolise God's presence is always with her. Among the items which accompanied baby Ashley were a crocheted beanie hat from Aunty Teresa which she wore, a cute lil' lamb, cards drawn by her cousin from KL, fresh flowers from Uncle Allan Heng and lots of love and tears from everyone who loved her dearly.
It is said that a picture paints a thousand words but really, no amount of words nor pictures can ever represent our immense grief and sorrow of losing and burying one's child. We seek solace that even God Himself buried His only son for our sake and we seek comfort in knowing that one day, just as He did, we will be reunited back with our beloved Nathaniel, Joash and Ashley in Heaven.
But still...we miss them all so much...
In memory of our Princess Ashley
This is a day my wife and I wished we hadn’t woken up to.
First of all, Angie and I want to thank all of you for taking time to attend our baby Ashley’s memorial.
Ashley was a very special baby right from the start. She and Joash were conceived as twins in December and both of them gave us much joy and anticipation throughout the pregnancy. We specially chose the name Ashley so that her name will carry part of her twin brother’s as well.
Ashley was also very well-loved and that can be seen through the number of people who constantly prayed for her and from those of you who are present here today. She was a very blessed and tenacious little girl. Even after her brother Joash was delivered stillborn 7 weeks ago, Ashley hung on with Mummy, fighting away nasty infections and enduring many probes, scans and intravenous medications.
The 7 additional weeks we had with Ashley turned out to be most intimate and treasured. I started feeling her kicks and fetal movements when I placed my palm on Angie’s belly around 2 weeks ago. As eager parents, we would look forward to the twice daily ‘doppler’ sessions where she’ll say ‘hi’ to us with her strong galloping heartbeat. Those were the most pleasant and reassuring sounds to our ears for we know that she’s still ok.
Normally when we lose our loved ones, we are grieved because we miss the companionship and shared memories we’ve had in the past but when you lose a baby, you lose along with it a large part of your future – the future of seeing your baby grow up, taking her 1st step, giving you her 1st hug and uttering her 1st words of ‘Mummy’ and ‘Daddy. All your aspirations, your hopes, your dreams for your baby die along with her passing. Sometimes God nudges us to obey His will , here he thrusts it upon us.
However in life, there are many things about tomorrow we don’t seem to understand but we know who holds tomorrow and we know who holds our hands.
So today we bid our fond farewell to our beloved daughter with an extremely heavy heart. We know she is at a place that is better by far so we release her back to her Creator who has formed her wonderfully.
Please join us now to quietly sing a special song dedicated by us to Ashley even as she was with us. (Song: I was made to praise You) . Next is a song I used to sing to her as her lullaby. Join us now to sing quietly as we invite you to say your prayers for our Ashley and bid your farewell by presenting her with a cream coloured gerbera specially chosen for her by Angie. (Song: Pokarekare Ana)
Friday, June 8, 2007
Thursday, June 7, 2007
My eyes then caught sight of their father standing next to them lighting up a cigarette smugly...
Damn these parents who have perfectly healthy children yet choose to endanger them...
It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief.
Since men don't cry
and are supposed to be "strong".
and prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a mother
and I know I heard him say...
"A mother has a baby."
This we know is true.
But can you be a mother
when your baby's not with you?
"Yes, you can,"
He said with confidence in His voice.
"I give many women babies.
When they leave is not their choice.
and others for a day.
Some I send to fill your womb
but there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this, God.
I want my baby here."
He took a breath and cleared His throat
and then I saw a tear.
"I wish that I could show you
what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
with other children and say,
'We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh, so much
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
who had so much love for me.
I learned my lesson very quickly.
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh, so much
but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
on her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear,
"Mommy, don't be sad today.
I'm your baby and I'm here."
So, you see, my dear sweet one,
your child is okay.
Your baby is here in my homeand
this is where she'll stay.
She'll wait for you with me
until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home,
She'll be at the gates for you.
So, now you see what makes a mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not see
you're a mother with a child.
They'll be up here with me one day
and know you've always been one."