Thursday, January 17, 2008

New Year, New Hope?

Dear Ashley

you may wonder why Mummy and Daddy have not posted in a long while. It's not that we've cast you aside, never for one second were you not in our thoughts. Truth is, mummy and daddy longs for you so much that it hurts to visit this blog. As the world counted down to Christmas and New Year in meaningless revelry, mummy and daddy chose to stay home and reminisced the precious hours we spent with you in the NICU at KKH. Do you know this year, we chose not to put up the Christmas tree as a form of silent protest against the season's festivities. We had nothing to celebrate nor be jolly about - you were snatched from us before we could even have a good look at you...

Mummy and daddy's conversations constantly revolve around you - how different it would be had you survived. You would have brought so much joy and laughter to our empty big flat. Increasingly, the pain of losing you makes coming home so meaningless for we had nothing to look forward to. You were not there.
The silence in the house rings loudest especially during weekends and public holidays. We could have spent the day out at the Zoo, frolicking at the pool or just enjoying a leisurely walk at the Park. But without you, nothing brings us fulfillment. So we retreat into our grief and spend quiet moments at home, hoping that perhaps somehow in our stillness, we can hear you cry out to us from Heaven.

We know we had to move on and one way for us to pick ourselves up is to adopt a baby. A baby who's family cannot afford to give her the good life and the love which we had reserved for you and your brothers. We wonder if you, Nat and Joash would have objections but my heart tells me 'No'. All 3 of you will be delighted to have a sibling to accompany Mummy and Daddy in your place till our journey on earth is done. So our new hope for the new year is that God will handpick this baby for us so that as a family, we can put off our sackcloths and start anew in 2008.